Saturday, February 2, 2008

Funerals and loss

Today was Bobby's funeral. It was a really nice service and lots of people came. Cam and Kay don't really understand. Taylor does of course but he is pretty tight lipped about how he is feeling. He was upset during the service but he doesn't really want to talk about it yet. Cam knows that his Grandpa Bobby died, but I am not sure he really knows what that means. When I told him, the conversation went something like this.

You know Grandpa Bobby has been really, really, sick.

Grandpa that lives at the soda house, yeah I know he is sick. (They collect coca-cola items so Cam calls it the soda house)

He has been sick for a very long time and he died today.

Oh no. Can we make him all new again so I can see him?

Well, when someone dies the person goes up to heaven and their body is left behind. He won't be able to talk to you because he is in heaven.

I want to go to his house and see him.

You won't be able to see him with your eyes, but you will always be able to feel him with your heart.

If you feel sad, want to talk about it, or have questions you can always come talk to us about it.

OK. I have to go tell Dad.

And off he ran to tell Dad, "My Grandpa died. That means I won't see him at his house anymore."

After the funeral most of the family came over to our house to eat. It was good to see everyone and we played the slideshow of pictures we made.

I am really upset about experiencing this situation again. I am actually quite angry. Not at the smokers because I know it is an addiction and when they started they didn't really even know it was bad for you. I am angry at the system. Smoking causes people to die horrible, painful deaths. It causes non-smokers who happen to be around smokers to get sick. And still new people start smoking everyday. I don't understand it. I guess people think it won't happen to them. Or if they get sick they will be so old they won't care.

I have seen this first hand twice now. People who die from smoking related illness suffer. The people who love them suffer. My Grandpa was 62 my kids Grandpa was 63. They were not old. They were healthy, active, strong, men. Bobby operated machines on big construction sites. My Grandpa was an electrician on big construction sites.

Think about this. They hadn't reached typical retirement age yet. They weren't even old enough to use a senior citizens discount. If you are in your 20's right now and smoking that means you would only live 40 more years and that is just not enough time. People are waiting and having children later in life now. So if you smoke and wait to have kids in your late 30's you may die before they finish college. Before you get to see your grandkids. It just doesn’t make sense.

I hope that one positive thing from all this is hopefully my kids will never be smokers. I don't know how you could be after seeing someone die from COPD or throat cancer.

On a happier note – My favorite memory of Bobby:
Easter egg hunt in the backyard. Taylor, Heather and Morgan looking for eggs. All the adults were watching. We kept replacing the eggs in this one spot so Taylor would find one then turn around and another one would be there. It was funny, a beautiful day, and everyone was happy.

I love that Bobby loved when I would make my Grandma’s special mashed potatoes. It was his favorite part of meals at our house. He was a good old man who happened to have excellent taste. Thats why he surrounded himself with good people and enjoyed life.

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