It hasn't been the most efficient day

It hasn't been the most efficient day.

That was Taylor's answer to why he was at his little brother's school at 9:15 this morning. He was supposed to be at his own school at 8:45. It pretty much sums up the morning.

5 different people who need to be at 4 different places all within 30 minutes and 1 car that is not big enough to hold everyone equals no one getting where they need to be easily or on time.

It is amazing to me each and every day that we get through without someone getting fired or getting a visit from the truancy department. No matter how hard we try or how much we try to plan ahead we can't seem to get where we need to be on time.

Here is the timeline we had planned for this morning:

7:30 drop Cam off early at Grandma's class. School starts at 7:45

7:45 drop Jeff off at work clear across town

8:00 arrive back at the house where Kay is sleeping and Taylor is watching her

8:05 send Taylor to his bus stop so he can get to school by 8:45

9:00 wake Kay and get her ready for her PT appointment at work

11:00 PT @ JDMC

12:00-2:00 Kay nap while I try to clean the house

2:15 pick Jeff up from work

2:45 pick Cam up from school

4:00 Taylor's bus arrives

Now all the little birdies are back in the nest. I do not have to work today so it is a little less hectic than normal.



Here is the timeline how it actually played out:

7:30 we realize that they scheduled Jeff to be there at 7:30 today. Cameron goes into full blown melt down mode because his leg is broken and he doesn't know if he wants to go to school.
HMMMM. You have been walking around on your leg for the past 15 minutes and you have not had any serious injuries. Are you sure it's broken?
YES!
OK, change of plans. We will bring Dad to work first because he is supposed to be there now. Then we will take you to school. After a few more minutes of crying Cam decided he may live and off we went.

7:45 we drop Jeff off at work.

7:50 my Mom calls. Yes, we are running late. Cam says his leg is broken, we just dropped Jeff off, we will be there soon.
She says you know it's picture day today.
Sure I knew that. I knew it yesterday anyway. It may have slipped my mind this morning. I wonder if Jeff turned in the picture money?
Call Jeff -- no the picture money hasn't been turned in. The envelope is at the house because we needed to get cash. The card is with Jeff all the way across town.
So back to the house to get the envelope and the Thursday folder which should have been turned in last Friday.
Change Cam's shirt into something a little more picture worthy. When I change Cam's shirt I see he has a large abrasion to his left shoulder and a matching scrape to his left temple. How do the kids always manage to get facial injuries on picture day? So I ask him how he hurt his arm.
I don't know.
Did you fall yesterday?
I don't know.
Did you run into something?
I don't know.
So I take a moment to call Jeff. How did Cam hurt his arm?
I don't know.

So apparently Cam was playing rough yesterday while I was at work and he had been running through the house and misjudged the distance and ran into the wall. He has a bruise on his leg too which explains his claims of a broken limb. I am just piecing this together from witness accounts. No one is actually fessing up to anything.

8:00 I will have to wake Kay and take her with me to drop Cam off now so Taylor can get to the bus.
Really, the car seat isn't in the car. Well, that's fun.

8:15 take a break from wrestling with the car seat and come in to warm up. Realize Taylor is still in the house. Why are you still here?
I thought you might need me to stay and help with the kids.
OK, so now you have missed the bus and I am going to have to drive you to school too.
Yeah, I need to be there at 8:45.
Sure, OK, that is a great help.

8:25 finally get the car seat correctly fastened

8:45 finished getting Kay dressed and load everyone up. Kay has a cup of milk but she is not happy about it because it is not the cup she likes. All of her favorite type of cup are dirty because no one remembered to run the dishwasher last night. The screaming begins.

8:50 Cam gets to school. Only a little more than an hour late. Kay has been screaming since I put her in the car. I run in and get Mom's ATM card so I can get cash for Cam's pictures. Kay screams louder because Cam left. BUB! BUB! SOB! SCREAM! BUB!

8:55 we head off to find the bank. I am in the wrong lane and can't get over so we miss our turn and have to take a detour. We happen to go through the Wal- Mart parking lot so I snap a picture of the hula-hooping cross walk.

OK It is kinda hard to see but the pedestrian is hula hooping.

9:05 we finally make our way back to the bank and get money from the ATM. You can only withdraw in increments of 20 so I now have a 20 dollar bill. I need to deliver 11.00 cash to the school. Did I mention Kay is screaming?

9:10 lets stop at Wendy's and get Kay some milk in a little carton. Maybe that will make her stop screaming and it will give us the change we need for pictures. Wendy’s isn't open. A Mexican gentlemen comes out and tells us,
"At 10:00 we open."

So we go to the Circle K store. They don't have little containers of milk only gallons which cost twice as much as usual. They do have little cartons of chocolate milk. That will work. She doesn't get chocolate milk very often but she likes it as a treat. So I offer Kay a sip of chocolate milk after Taylor runs back in and gets her a straw. She takes two sips then looks at me like I am evil and starts to scream again. I guess she doesn't like chocolate milk today. At least we finally have correct change.

9:15 Taylor delivers the money to Mom at school and we start heading back across town to drop him off at school.

9:25 Jeff calls. Where are you?
Bringing Taylor to school.
He isn't at school yet? Wow.
Yes, as Taylor put it, this hasn't been the most efficient day.
I guess so. Well, I just started throwing up.
Oh good. So are they sending you home?
Maybe, but not yet. I am waiting for some one else to come in.
Well, call me when you get to leave.

9:30 finally deliver Taylor to school. Hey, only 45 minutes late. Kay screams because Taylor left. BUB! BUB! SOB! SCREAM! BUB!
Looks like the plan is to scream even louder whenever anyone gets out of the car. This is a fun game.

9:45 arrive back home and feed Kay. She is happy now because I washed her cup. I have an hour before I have to leave to bring her to PT.

10:45 Kay is finished eating and is cleaned up. Time to go. Oh boy you pooped. Kay has a talent for pooping right as we try to go somewhere. So off to clean her up.

I have noticed something when I drive. I will hit every red light possible. I will get stopped by at least 1 train. If a lane is closed for any reason I will be in it and not be able to get out. If there is a bus, tractor, garbage truck, a dude on a bike riding in the road instead of on the bike route which is 15 feet to his right, or a slow moving car I will be stuck behind it.

Looks like we will be late again. We actually managed to check in at the front desk at 11:02. Not too bad. But they needed to update all of our insurance info. Lucy, our PT, came looking for us and Kay went off to play with her at 11:10.

Good news! Lucy tested Kay today and she tested at a 28 month level for gross motor. She has been 6-9 months delayed, now she is 4 months ahead! That girl has been working hard. So no more visits for Kay at JDMC. She will continue to be monitored monthly by sooner start. She goes to see the neurologist in March and she should be getting her new AFOs any day now.

We are so excited that Kay graduated that we have to go find Aunt Sarah and visit her. She is in the cafeteria. Kay gets to see lots of friends. When Kay sees the wheels on their wheelchairs she signs bike.

I am asking around about one of my patients who was scheduled for surgery this morning. No one knows so we head off to the house to check on him. No news yet. Kay wants to play in the waiting area/playroom so we spend some time there. I tell you what I can really get sucked into that place. My one day off this week and I am hanging out at work to play with Kay.

1:00 we arrive back home from our extended visit at JDMC. Kay is sleeping in the car so off to bed with her. I guess they decided to keep Jeff. He still feels sick but he will be off at 2:15 as planned.




1:50 my work calls. My so not a team player co-worker called in “Sick” So I may need to come in. That will make 7 days this week though so they are gonna try to get some people from other houses. Seeing as how we have 6 patients including a new admit and a post op it is really not a good idea to have people who aren’t already familiar with the kids helping out.

2:20 Jeff calls I am late to pick him up because Kay is still napping. I wake her up and head out again.

2:40 arrive to get Jeff only 25 minutes late.

3:05 arrive to get Cam from Grandma's classroom only 20 minutes late. I am getting better.

3:15 back to the house, put Kay to bed again, and wait to see if I get called in. I have now been running around for 8 hours and I don't even get paid for this.

Santa comes even if you don't have home made cookies and believe it or not, even if you pee on him.

There is a scientific formula that shows a direct correlation between how fancy your holiday cookies are, how many kids you have, and how many hours you spent at work during the week leading up to Christmas.

I don't have time for scientific formulas that show direct correlations between anything. So I will just say when you have 3 kids and you work close to 60 hours in the week before Christmas Santa doesn't get his usual homemade cookies. He gets Oreos. If he's lucky he gets holiday Oreos with red middles and Christmas pictures on the cookie part.

When I first got married I spent countless hours making sugar cookies from scratch and carefully decorating each one to look like a perfect little star, angel, or Christmas tree. I also made homemade fudge, peanut brittle, pralines and many other varieties of cookies. Everyone got a tin filled with goodies.

After Taylor was born I continued the tradition. Once I went back to work it still continued but with a few less varieties. I started to work more hours and the cookies were not as carefully decorated. Maybe a few more were the cookies that come in a tube from the supermarket.

After Cameron was born the cookies were sometimes not decorated at all. Or I would just give the kids the frosting (now store bought) and sprinkles and let them go at it.

Now we have 3 little darlings and we both work full time or more. This year I bought some Oreos, just in case, and some sugar cookie dough in a tube. The plan was that after I got home from work on Christmas Eve at close to midnight I would bake those sugar cookies and carefully arrange them on a dish for Santa.

Except I had to finish (start) wrapping gifts and clean the house and make sure the turkey was defrosted, find the Christmas books, and clean poop, etc. Then I realized I had forgotten to buy frosting. The stores are closed. Do I feel like making homemade frosting? Do I even remember how? NO. So those Oreos, just in case, were a good idea.

I still haven't baked the sugar cookies in a tube or even gone to get frosting. Yet, the world continues to turn. Christmas still happened. We all survived and it was still a pretty darn good day. Funny how that happens.

This same phenomenon occurs with other aspects of life such as fancy Birthday parties, the number of pictures taken of each child, the accuracy of baby books, and the neatness level of your house (or how close your residence is to being condemned).

Any way, the point is Santa still came and ate those cookies. He still left gifts even though Sister peed on him when she went to visit. Santa is apparently a lot like Moms. Loves the kids no matter what they do, how much time the take up, or how messy they are. Santa is a very patient person who likes Oreos, just like me.

Here are some elves that may look familiar: http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1119469490

Here is the face Santa makes when you pee on his lap:


This is why it is not good for a toddler to have to wait almost 2 hours in line to see Santa. Saggy, old diapers drip when kids get a little excited.

Jen VS. the potty monster and other stories from a sleep deprived mind.

Here are some stories I probably wouldn't share if I weren't so hopelessly sleep deprived that I may be a little more crazy than usual.

Jen VS. the potty monster.



The toilet won't quit making that noise. It's not a constant noise. It waits until you just start to drift off to sleep then starts slow and builds. It wouldn't be so bad if it were constant. You could pretend you were sleeping next to a waterfall.



Usually noises don't bother me while I am sleeping. I think I am over tired so it is getting to me. It bugs me that I can't fix it. Usually I can figure out the inner workings of a toilet. So at 3 A.M. I am, once again, elbow deep in the tank of the toilet. It's not the floater ball, or the arm, it's the rubber gasket at the bottom of the tank. Its not sealing tight so water slowly leaks out and when it gets too low the toilet starts running again. I keep thinking I have fixed it but it waits. Just when I am about to drift off again it makes its whoosh noise. I think it may be laughing at me.



While I have the lid off the tank I notice a small, very old, faded, stamp that says inspected by D. Womack. That's weird. The real estate person who sold this house was named Dee Womack.



I give up and go back to bed. Jeff asks if I am alright. I explain my theory on the toilet really being a evil monster thats sole purpose and joy in life is keeping me from sleeping. I then tell him about the marking in the toilet. Did the real estate lady stamp the inside of the toilet? Is she a qualified toilet inspector? But it couldn't have been her because the stamp looks so old. So maybe 50 years ago her grandfather was a building inspector and inspected this house. Wow, how weird would that be? Then 50 years later his own granddaughter sells the very same house he inspected.



At that point Jeff informs me that I am out of my mind and I should go to sleep.



Yes, I agree. I start to drift off when the toilet laughs and starts to run.


Smelly closet.



Why does the closet smell funny? Usually the answer to this question is because the kids were playing camp out in the closet and someone left a cup of milk and/or food in there. But not today. Oh no, we weren't that lucky today.



I came home late Christmas Eve and wanted to find our Christmas story books. I looked on the bookshelf, in the various toy boxes and in a big basket of books. No luck. Then I remembered I had another basket of books in Cam's closet.



I reached in to get the basket and noticed the closet smelled really bad. Oh no. What now? I see the books and pick up the first one I can reach. It is covered in something gross and stinky. I trudge on and grab the next book, also covered in something gross and stinky but with the added feature of a pair of shorts permanently cemented to the surface. I gasped and let out a yell. Could it be? Surely not. Wait, it is. Ahhgh! At this point Cameron, who is in bed behind me, says "Oh, Mom you found my poop."



"Yes.... Yes I did." I answer in a calm voice. "And why exactly is poop in your closet?"



Three days earlier when I had to work a double and was at work for 16 hours Cam had a bit of a tummy bug. Most of the time he made it to the potty and Daddy helped him get cleaned up. Apparently once he had a major blow out and didn't get to the bathroom.



"Mom, the poop was making me sad so I decided to hide it in my closet so no one would find it. "



"Uh huh."



Thinking to myself:



"OK, yes, that makes perfect sense. Because no one ever goes into the closet to get stuff like clothes and various toys out. Sure the poop will just blink out of existence in there. Problem solved. The closet is like a portal to another universe where they really like to find old poop."



Out loud:



"I am sorry you were sick and sad. Everyone has accidents sometimes. I would much rather you tell me so I can help you. Lets not hide poop OK?"



"OK Mom."



"Did you hide poop any place else?"



"Nope. Just the closet."



"Good."



So I put 2 books and a pair of shorts in the trash and got out the giant can of Lysol.



What a fun Christmas surprise!







Kay's naked table dance.



Darling Kaylynne has become quite good at climbing onto very high things. She already got on the table and ate Cam's marshmallow picture. This week she took it a step further. I gave her a bath and put her down so I could get her clothes. She took off and by the time I made it into the room she had climbed onto the table. She was still naked at the time. So here is a picture of Kay's naked table dance wearing nothing but a big smile.

Once Upon A Potty

Poop and Yakkity Sax

another scary poop video from Japan

1996 Potty Training Kelly Doll Commercial

We have this doll somewhere.

Japanese Toilet Training for Kids (English Subtitled)

Wow!?! Happy swimming poop. Yeah pants man.

It's Potty Time!

Super Duper Pooper

Wow it's my 100th post. I'm speechless (well not really or I wouldn't have so many posts)

Here's something to make everyone speechless

Fun and scary poop videos courtesy of youtube. I love youtube.

More ups and downs

My father in law is doing much better and is actually back home now. We never expected that after the doctors said he would not leave the hospital. He spent some time in a extended care facility after the hospital but he is back home now.

Jeff has turned in a few applications and we are waiting to see who calls.

Taylor is sick with the stomach flu. Cameron finished his last dose of antibiotic today and then spiked another fever. He is starting to cough again and he is sleepy and his head hurts.
We will be calling the doctor in the morning.

My step Dad's brother passed away unexpectedly. Possibly a hunting accident. We are waiting to hear more.

My step Dad spent the day in the hospital with a nasty kidney infection.

We have MRSA and strep throat going around at work in addition to pneumonia.

If the huge brush pile isn't removed from the yard of our old house by, well, by yesterday we are gonna get a big fine from the city.

I am ready for a few quiet uneventful weeks. I am tired and I am tired of bad things happening.

On a lighter note, here are some random kid shorts from the day.

Sister figured out how to take off her diaper and has been doing so all day. We couldn't figure out where she was hiding them. Then Taylor sat down by the computer and found what is apparently now the dirty diaper storage shelf. The sliding tray on the desk where the keyboard would go if we weren't using a laptop.

This new hobby led to some interesting surprises around the house. She left a little pile of surprise on the floor in the family room. Luckily it was firm so it was easy to clean up. Cameron said it looked like a puppy. We were all a bit disturbed by that.

When I got home from work sister woke up and Cameron was already up because he was feeling sick. I decided to stick them both in the bath to try to bring Cam's fever down. After they got out sister peed all over the floor in the hallway and of course Cam walked right through it. Fun times!

I guess if you can come home from cleaning up after sick kids at work and then clean up more fluids from your own kids and still laugh about it things will be OK. When it's not funny anymore I will start to worry. Maybe I should worry that I think it is funny. Do all Moms find humor in such things? It must be a coping mechanism.

Update:
Cause of death was internal bleeding caused by injuries from falling out of a tree stand. He broke his pelvis and back. It's very sad.

Jeff had his follow up with the doctor today on his work injury. The doctor was very upset that he was fired. He said he has had other patients from that agency that had the same thing happen. He said he is submitting the paperwork for them to pay for 6 more sessions of PT and another MRI. The doctor said Jeff can not work in his current condition. The only possibility would be a desk job with absolutely no lifting. Even then he would need lots of breaks. So they have put in him a position of not being able to work. They aren't paying workers comp any longer because they fired him and he can't collect unemployment because he didn't work there long enough. The doctor asked if we have a lawyer yet. The whole situation sucks.

Sister--the Milkaholic, Wild Haired, Stealth Pooper

Some things about sister that I have noticed lately.

If she goes to bed with her hair even just a little bit damp she looks like Gene Wilder when she wakes up.

Of course, she is so cute she can pull it off.

If we decide to tame it a little. I just spray it and it goes back to perfect little ringlets. I love those curls.

She drinks more milk than should be humanly possible. She would be perfectly happy sucking on her sippy cup all day long. We have to limit her so she will eat more; she is truly a milkaholic.

She is a stealth pooper. Most kids you can tell when they are getting ready to take care of business. They hide, or get real quiet, or their face turns red, you can just tell what they are doing. Not sister. I can never tell when she has gone.

It is even more noticeable now that she is starting to use the potty. I am sitting there watching her and she shows no indication. Then when she stands up--surprise! It makes it harder to help her with the potty. If I knew she was getting ready to go I could put her on the potty real quick. I am just guessing at this point and sometimes I get lucky and time it just right.

She is very much a girly-girl. She loves to put on beads or any thing sparkly. If she sees someone wearing any jewelry she has to go check it out. She also likes to wear perfume. We get the body spray that has different "flavors" like vanilla and raspberry.

She is addicted to getting her manicure done. I never paint my nails. Not really any point because with all the cooking and cleaning they are instantly ruined. She would see other people with their nails done and get so excited. Her aunt painted hers for her and she is obsessed now. I had to go buy some polish and she wants me to paint both hers and mine. She watches so intently and when it is done she has to show everyone her pretties. If she decides she wants them done again she holds out her little fingertips to me and wiggles them. It is really fun having someone in the house to be girly with. I makes me think of my Grandma who always had the prettiest nails. She would paint my nails for me when I was a kid.

She has a great sense of humor. She really gets jokes and laughs this big belly laugh. She thinks it is hilarious when her Dad says "No more jibba jabba" like Mr. T.

She can untie any knot but, unfortunately, can't tie her shoes. No matter how tight we tie her shoes or how many times we double knot it she will have it untied in 5 minutes. She is always walking around with her shoes untied.

She is a pen seeking missile. She can find any writing utensil anywhere, anytime. She is not picky; she loves sharpies, crayons, markers, pens, pencils, as well as paint. Quicker than a duck on a June bug she has her weapon and has started her artwork on the nearest flat surface.

As far as she is concerned there are no strangers in the world. In this area she is completely opposite from her brothers. Both the boys were a little shy and had to warm up to new people. If we went someplace new they would be attached to my leg. Sister is quite the social butterfly. Not afraid of anyone. We went to a class at the library for her PT session today and she was in the middle of everything, waving at all the other babies, patting them, giving them toys. She had no interest in me or what I was doing, she had places to go and people to meet.

She instantly gets attached to anyone new and cries when they leave. At the doctors office she saw a new nurse and wanted to play with her. She cried when she went out so the nurse came back and Kay went with her. They went up to the front desk and got some candy. Kay was not the least concerned with where either of her parents were, she had a new friend.

The mail carrier came to our door the other day--same response. She cried when he left and wanted to go walk with him. This could be a problem when she gets older. I am glad she likes people but I don't especially want her to wander off with anyone who comes along. Gonna have to keep a close eye on that one.

Perhaps she will become the first woman president. With her ability to meet and greet and melt the hearts of even the most curmudgeonly she might just take over the world.