Funerals and loss

Today was Bobby's funeral. It was a really nice service and lots of people came. Cam and Kay don't really understand. Taylor does of course but he is pretty tight lipped about how he is feeling. He was upset during the service but he doesn't really want to talk about it yet. Cam knows that his Grandpa Bobby died, but I am not sure he really knows what that means. When I told him, the conversation went something like this.

You know Grandpa Bobby has been really, really, sick.

Grandpa that lives at the soda house, yeah I know he is sick. (They collect coca-cola items so Cam calls it the soda house)

He has been sick for a very long time and he died today.

Oh no. Can we make him all new again so I can see him?

Well, when someone dies the person goes up to heaven and their body is left behind. He won't be able to talk to you because he is in heaven.

I want to go to his house and see him.

You won't be able to see him with your eyes, but you will always be able to feel him with your heart.

If you feel sad, want to talk about it, or have questions you can always come talk to us about it.

OK. I have to go tell Dad.

And off he ran to tell Dad, "My Grandpa died. That means I won't see him at his house anymore."


After the funeral most of the family came over to our house to eat. It was good to see everyone and we played the slideshow of pictures we made.

I am really upset about experiencing this situation again. I am actually quite angry. Not at the smokers because I know it is an addiction and when they started they didn't really even know it was bad for you. I am angry at the system. Smoking causes people to die horrible, painful deaths. It causes non-smokers who happen to be around smokers to get sick. And still new people start smoking everyday. I don't understand it. I guess people think it won't happen to them. Or if they get sick they will be so old they won't care.

I have seen this first hand twice now. People who die from smoking related illness suffer. The people who love them suffer. My Grandpa was 62 my kids Grandpa was 63. They were not old. They were healthy, active, strong, men. Bobby operated machines on big construction sites. My Grandpa was an electrician on big construction sites.

Think about this. They hadn't reached typical retirement age yet. They weren't even old enough to use a senior citizens discount. If you are in your 20's right now and smoking that means you would only live 40 more years and that is just not enough time. People are waiting and having children later in life now. So if you smoke and wait to have kids in your late 30's you may die before they finish college. Before you get to see your grandkids. It just doesn’t make sense.

I hope that one positive thing from all this is hopefully my kids will never be smokers. I don't know how you could be after seeing someone die from COPD or throat cancer.

On a happier note – My favorite memory of Bobby:
Easter egg hunt in the backyard. Taylor, Heather and Morgan looking for eggs. All the adults were watching. We kept replacing the eggs in this one spot so Taylor would find one then turn around and another one would be there. It was funny, a beautiful day, and everyone was happy.

I love that Bobby loved when I would make my Grandma’s special mashed potatoes. It was his favorite part of meals at our house. He was a good old man who happened to have excellent taste. Thats why he surrounded himself with good people and enjoyed life.

Bobby 7-19-44 1-28-08

Group picture Christmas

Moving earth

Karen and Bobby Cretificate of appreciation for work at the Murrah Building site

Karen and Bobby

Bobby

Silly face
Wedding

On Monday morning we were all starting to feel a little better so we went ahead and gave Kay her birthday cake and let her open a gift. Later that day I went back to work after being out for several days. Three hours after I got there I got the call. Bobby had passed away at home where he wanted to be. Where he had lived since he was a little boy. He wasn't suffering any more.

I was in with a patient when I got the call. So I took a moment to get it together and then got back to work. I didn't tell anyone because we are so short staffed I didn't think I would be able to go home. A bit later my Mom called and I tried to tell her but I started to cry. My co-workers saw that I was upset and asked me what was going on. Then they covered my patient for me and sent me home. I work with some really great people.

Jeff was really glad to see me. My Mom came over and watched the kids so we could go over to the house. The funeral will be February 2nd.

For the 2nd time in two weeks I got some time off. It is sad that you have to be sick and infectious or have a death in the family to get a few days away from work.

The kids and I last saw Bobby at Christmas. We are so glad we had that time and that he was able to come for Thanksgiving. On Friday the 25th he lost consciousnes and did not wake up again. We are getting ready for the funeral. I helped Jeff make a slide show of pictures and citations from the city honoring the work Bobby did. One of his accomplishments was helping at the site of the Murrah building bombing by clearing debris and prepairing the site for the memorial.

His best accomplishment was being a great guy who loved his kids, grandkids, and his wife of 22 years. They met on Friday the 13th but they didn't let that deter them. They were neighbors and Karen decided to bring over a german chocolate cake she made. He said he was on a diet but she could go ahead a leave the cake anyway. I guess the rest is history.

We will miss him but we are glad he isn't suffering anymore.